By G. A. Dwyer Astaphan
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I was late for last Thursday’s Unity March Against Crime and Violence.
I joined in at Cayon Street in the area of Laws Book Store as the massive March approached from the East, shortly before turning northwards onto Victoria Road and Warner Park.
I would have been there earlier had it not for the fact that I had a lunch meeting with a lady, after which I had to run back to my office for a bit.
And the lunch meeting was special. Very special because the lady was my 89-year old mother, who was leaving the island the following day for an extended visit to Canada.
We discussed family-business matters, but, more importantly, we discussed personal matters. And as we chatted, my love and admiration for her, already giant-sized, grew.
From our conversation, I heard things that she had never before told me. And I felt that I was in a moment of great significance, spiritually, emotionally and historically with my mother.
So it was very special.
As she spoke, I kept thanking God for her and for her long life, and I also appreciated, for the millionth time, but on this occasion perhaps more than ever before, the crucial importance of communication and bonding between parents/adults and children, and between generations.
And it is never too late for the communication and the bonding to take place.
Hearing my mother’s words and being in her presence last Thursday also reinforced in my mind the importance of family to the stability, benefit and well-being, not only of individual members and of the family itself, but also of the community as a whole.
When I got to the March my mind was filled with nice thoughts of family, fellowship, community, nation and peace, and with the redoubled resolve to continue my years’ old mission to help end violence and crime in St.Kitts & Nevis.
And I felt good participating.
After it ended, and before the speeches started, I was among a number of persons on the football field at Warner Park, in front of the main stand, greeting and chatting.
Among my conversations, there was one with a lady, which I want to share with you.
She belongs to a family which openly and strongly supports PAM.
She recently lost her mother, who had been a friend of my mother since their younger days. In fact, she told me that in a recent phone conversation, my mother had broken down when speaking of her friendship with the lady’s mother.
That touched me.
She reminded me of the long-standing friendship between our two families, and she expressed regret and hurt at what she and her family saw as my hostility and hatred, perhaps politically driven, towards them.
That shook me up, because I have never seen myself as a hater. However, if things which I had previously said and written could have been perceived by them as hostile and hateful, then no matter how much I claim not to be a hater, I was still hurting them.
And there could be no justification for me to hurt any person in that way, far worse an entire family.
That could not be the way I would have intended to conduct my life or my politics. But that is exactly what I did. I hurt this lady’s entire family.
As we spoke, I started asking myself quietly: How many other individuals and families had I hurt by things said or done, whether privately or as a public figure? How much pain and disunity had I caused? How much of that could I have avoided? How much better could I have been, and can I still be, as a servant of the people, and as a relatively high-profiled member of the community, by simply being more respectful, responsible, cautious, caring and all-embracing, rather than being so enthusiastic about ‘biggin’ up my chest’ and looking to score political points?
I started to think of these words of God through Jeremiah (Chapter 22 at verses 3-5:
“Execute judgment and righteousness, and deliver the plundered out of the hand of the oppressor. Do no wrong and do no violence to the stranger, the fatherless, or the widow, nor shed innocent blood in this place…But if you will not hear these words…this house shall become a desolation.”
I know that I have always tried to work hard, to be fair, to serve people regardless of their political affiliation or my personal relationships with them, and to be innovative and proactive in my service.
Yet, with all of that, here I was, hurting entire families. Wow!
The lady caught me at exactly the right moment, still ‘high’ from my amazing and tender conversation with my mother just about an hour earlier, and also very much caught up in significance of the just-ended March and in the positive ,hopeful and cleansing ambience of Warner Park at that moment. My mind and my heart were open.
And let me say this: She was very nice, very understanding, very engaging. And she did not manifest anger. Instead, despite the hurt which she so effectively related, she seemed to want to forgive and to move on.
I sensed that when I told her that I was not a hater and she replied that she had come to realise this recently.
I felt at the time, and I still feel so now, that, at least for me, there was a connection, an ordained connection, between my conversation with my mother, the March, and my conversation with this lady.
I believe the three events were tied together by God to send to me and through me the message that the institution of family( in all of its forms) needs to be restored; that morals, values, care and compassion need to be rekindled; that the spirit of human love and community-mindedness needs to be embraced; that personal, social and political divisiveness needs to be rejected; that we as a society and as a people need to raise our standards; that we must now insist that dialogue and debate, and everything else transpiring in all spheres of life in our Federation be conducted in the spirit of civility, respect, peace, responsibility and national unity.
I thank my mother, I thank the organisers of the March, and I thank the lady, for the wonderful upliftment which they, individually and collectively, gave to me on Thursday, April 2, 2009.
And it is in the spirit of all of this that I ask us all to approach the days, weeks and months upcoming, as we head towards general elections, to govern ourselves, our children, our families, and our communities righteously, lovingly, respectfully, decently, compassionately and responsibly.
Until Next Time, Plenty Peace.
